It feels weird to go against the grain of peers and the "status quo" around you. M and I have never really been "on the band-wagon" but right now, it feels like we are really swimming upstream. A lot of our friends are buying new homes or renovating. Many are going on holiday trips to exotic places. Some are starting new jobs or having a baby and the list goes on.
I often feel a nagging sense of "I should be auditioning and performing more" or "I should be networking/going to conferences, summer music programs or sending out my CV." I know this is all a natural expression of being in the world, but still, it's a pressure. I have to pause and be reminded of my true priorities in our current situation. 1) Being a good wife and mother to my family. 2) Being true to God's call-that includes my talents and time.
Yesterday, we sang an older (1970's) chorus from Matthew 6:33 at church: "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." It was a timely reminder to me that our primary focus has to be on God and living as children of the eternal kingdom of heaven instead of getting caught up in the trivialities of status, money, competition, deadlines, etc. My inner professional has a hard time accepting that this can be solely adequate. My inner performer wants recognition! My inner competitor wants to win! Moving to Bolivia is not a cancellation of my desire to excel in professional music or perform. Nor is it a denial of my gifts. Sometimes God leads us in ways we would have not imagined and brings us new opportunities to use our gifts that we never thought possible!
So where I find myself today is the same as yesterday and probably tomorrow. To seek first God's kingdom and righteousness. Resting in the promise that by being faithful with a few things, the rest will work out too.